Strange people muttering in my mind, please stop. Or at least slow down. I don’t have time to pay attention right now. I’m busy.
Giggle, whine, scream. Yes, little one, I hear you. I will tend to you. Don’t ever worry. You will always come first.
Sometimes I feel like I’m being torn in two. Guilt when I write. Guilt when I mom. Guilt. All. The. Time.
My four-month-old son is the best excuse not to write yet he’s the most important reason to do so.
I wish I could accomplish both with ease, that there were more hours in the day, that I could survive on less sleep than he allows me. But there isn’t, and I can’t. I can only wait patiently for longer naps, ponder plot twists and character arcs as I monitor tummy time, and read books on craft while breastfeeding. I can wake earlier and squeeze in a few words before he rubs his baby blues, and cut out the TV shows that became mandatory during the days and nights he refused to sleep, when writing was the furthest thing from my mind.
But now that our household has settled after the new addition, I’m desperate to write. For him. I want to be the mother he deserves, and I’m at my best when diving deep into a story. I feel whole and happy and energized. I want to teach him how to be the best person he can be, which for me is when I’m writing, so I need to lead by example and find a way. I want to demonstrate that following your dreams is important, and I want to try to provide for my family, for his future. I want him to grow up knowing that a woman is capable, strong, and driven. And I want him to be proud of his mama.
And because of all of this I will find a way. I will do this. Because I have to.
Thanks for reading! To return to the FICTION WRITERS BLOG HOP on Julie Valerie’s Book Blog, click here: http://www.julievalerie.com/fiction-writers-blog-hop-jan-2016
Lydia Laceby 
I loved this, Lydia. So beautiful!
Thanks, Meredith!
Okay, so first things first: HOW CUTE IS THAT BABY?!?!?!? Oh my gosh! Writing? How could you possibly do anything except stare at him all day? 🙂
It’s difficult to find time for yourself when a little one demands so much of you. Perhaps find ways to write inside the nooks and crannies of your day . . . Maybe write a different way? Instead of long hours at the keyboard – maybe your writing life is about to look like little yellow stick um notes scribbled on in the middle of the night – or a tape recorder of your voice narrating the story while he plays next to you with his toys? I dunno. But I sure would love to read your next book!
Give him kisses. He is SO CUTE!
Thank you, Julie Valerie! I often have to drag my eyes away from his gorgeous face! 🙂 I’m slowly finding snippets of time in which to jot down a few words so hopefully the next book will be finished soon!
I love this for several reasons. I’m thrilled to hear you’re writing. I can’t wait to hear all about it and to read your future works. This piece is also inspiring for me. I’ve been slacking on my own writing lately. Putting my many mommy duties first. If you can find time to write with a four month old, I can definitely squeeze in some storytelling time of my own.
Thank you for sharing. And, happy writing!
I’m so happy to be writing again. I’m not the same without it! It’s very hard to do it all, and I know working full time and raising a family comes with it’s own challenges, ones I’m not looking forward to experiencing when I go back to work. But we must find a way somehow. Even if it’s only a few minutes here or there! Happy writing! xo
You are both so gorgeous! I must kiss him soon. This is fantastic and encapsulates how every mom feels, all the time. You are an amazing mom, and an excellent writer, and this post is a great start back into it. Write, mama, write! xoxo
Thanks, honey! We’re awaiting kisses over here! Write, write, write. It should be my alarm ring-tone or something. Did I just come up with a thing?
I love this line: “I’m at my best when diving deep into a story. I feel whole and happy and energized.” So very true. I was having a lot of trouble writing last year, and I finally started setting a timer for 1 hour 5 days a week and using that time for writing/editing/research. I immediately started feeling better when I did. I think it’s so true that, as writers, we derive our energy from spending time creating stories.